How does your garden grow

I started a vegetable garden. The previous owners of the house did a pretty nice job landscaping, but that didn't stop me from tearing it up to make room for cucumber trellises tomato cages.

I made some rookie mistakes. Don't do any of these:

1. Spacing the seeds too close together and refusing to thin them out (i.e. murder the weak seedlings by cutting them off at ground level). As a side note, in most climates 100% of the seeds don't germinate, so it makes sense to plant too many. Houston isn't one of these climates.

2. Planting vegetables that need full sun (eggplant, tomatoes, squash) in the shade.

3. Using the existing soil in garden beds instead of replacing it with potting soil or amending it with compost, perlite, and sand.

I fixed most of my mistakes by relocating the plants to a freshly dug bed at side of the house filled with potting soil and using giant Smart Pot containers for the rest. Next year we'll build proper raised beds. For now the makeshift beds are lined with pink bricks. At least I'm not using my old box springs as a trellis. Though that is something I kind of wanted to do. What? It looks charmingly rustic.

box springs as a cucumber trellis (not mine)

Hunter convinced me to use the Home Depot gift certificates his sister & Angel gave us (thank you!), and the previous owners of the house left us these trellis:

pretty trellises I found on the side of our house

The current roster is:
Tomatoes (Sweet 100, Yellow Pear, Juliet Hybrid, Celebrity, Rutgers, Husky Cherry Red, Big Boy)
Butternut squash
Spaghetti squash
Crookneck squash
Small Sugar pumpkin (good for baking)
Jakc o' lantern pumpkin
Japanese Ichiban eggplant (long fruit with thin skin and a mild flavor)
White eggplant
Pickling cucumbers (a vining variety and a bush variety)
Hot banana peppers
Lunchbox peppers (mini Bell peppers in bright colors, my new favorite snack)
King of the North pepper (obviously for the Game of Thrones reference)
Herbs: basil, mint, oregano, thyme, rosemary, sage

I have a few cucumbers ripening and a couple of baby squash. I don't have many bees, so I've been pollinating with a paintbrush to ensure fruit develops. Oh and I spray the leaves with milk every day. Yeah, milk. I had some problems with powdery mildew, which is a white-gray fungus that dots plants' leaves. You can't really get rid of it, but you can prevent it from spreading by spraying milk. I used 2% at first and oh god the smell when the sun beat down. Do not use 2%. Use skim milk mixed with water (30% and 70% of each respectively). You can use it to prevent viruses and fungus on all kinds of plants, including ornamentals.

None of the tomatoes are doing well. Most of their blossoms fall off before forming fruit despite their conditions being near perfect: full sun, 15-gallon Smart Pots to prevent the roots from getting root-bound, Lady Bug Natural Brand soil, deep watering once per week unless it rains or the soil feels moist, 3" mulch, fertilizing on schedule with a diluted all-natural fish emulsion fertilizer that reeks worse than the milk, etc. They're just jerk plants. It could be the high temperatures. Maybe they'll produce in September or something. I'm tired of trying to please them. And I'm really tired of other gardeners telling me everything I could be doing wrong. I know they're trying to help. But don't you think I've already googled nitrogen deficiency and tested the soil? Because I have. I almost got $100 shade cloths for them to put up from the hours of 5 - 7 p.m. But I've never even bought myself $100 shades, so I refrained. I did, however, once have a pair of RayBans that someone left in La Grange professionally fitted to my face. Sorry if those were yours.

Coffee table from Christine

Check out my latest wedding present from my bridesmaid, Christine.

Spalted water oak-- the black lines are the spalted parts.

She had our friend Logan build it custom. The wood is from a spalted water oak cut down near the Heights. This guy Logan knows works with developers/builders who need to clear lots for new construction. Instead of paying a trash service to haul off the trees, the guy takes them for free then cuts them up and sells them to carpenters. How cool and local and green. 

Spalted wood means a fungus attacked it.  It sounds bad, but it causes really pretty lines. I couldn't be happier. Now I want Logan to make all my furniture.

I'm married!

My favorite of Cameron's polaroids

He's so handsome.

I'm not too keen on my nose in that last photo, but check out the side braid. My cousin, Erin, is amazing. I'm going to try to send more of my friends to her. She's cutting my hair into a bob before I leave for the honeymoon, or at least that's the plan. So exhausted. Hunter and I went out downtown after the reception to a bar called Warren's. Ruined my dress dragging it through the wet streets but oh well. So many friends there, sort of like the reception part 2. 

Martha Stewart: total babe.

I've always respected Martha Stewart, albeit I haven't mastered or even attempted any of her decor projects.

Martha Stewart by Karsten Moran for the New York Times 

If you're a self-made, crazy-ambitious man in your 60s, you're considered a sexy genius. But if you're a woman, unfortunately you're often considered a ruthless bitch. Sometimes "crazy" is thrown in for good measure. This applies to Anna Wintour, Vogue editor and the subject of the book & film The Devil Wears Prada. 

She's all like "I'm not a bitch, I'm just good at my job. Sorry I'm not sorry."

Today the NY Times informed me that Martha Stewart's beauty regimen is Martha Stewart rigid, meaning bordering on insane. This confused me some as I'd considered her more of a soccer-mom-becomes-grandmother figure rather than a lover of all things beauty product. 

Then I learned that she used to be a foxy model?! For Channel, no less. Damn. 

Martha, I applaud you. I've always known you as enterprising and clever, but now I'm adding fashion icon to the list. I'm still not buying your knife sets at Macy's though. 

First wedding present

The first gift arrived.

Intanto Vase (medium) by Mario Trimarchi for Alessi

I know it's not about presents, but at the same time it's important to make a fuss over the generous gifts you do receive and of course mail timely thank-you cards.

My designer friend came over last night and gave me some decor ideas and even started a Pinterest board for me. I haven't seen her apartment yet but I'm pretty certain I want everything in it. We talked mid century modern desks, faux fur throws, and coffee tables. I still have this sad slate coffee table from Target that I bought when I was 19. She suggested an ottoman as a coffee table. We could keep drinks on it with a nice tray but use it for seating with company if needed. Can ottomans have storage? Listen how grown-up I'm pretending to be! Maybe I will hound craigslist before I lunch with my dad this afternoon. Craigslist probably isn't very grown-up. Classes start Monday so today is the last day to goof around.

Alterations

I tried on the dress again today, this time for alterations. You get to go to a special room upstairs where a professional tailor inspects just how much the dress hangs off of you. 

My advice to anyone ordering a dress for any occasion: if you think you're a size 2 or 8 or 12, etc., order that size. My dress is at least a full size too big everywhere because I went with what the sales person told me to rather than what I thought would fit. Alterations are not cheap on an all-lace gown. Luckily my parents are super generous and paying for it. If I were footing the bill myself I probably would have died.

Oh remember me writing about how long it was? Unfortunately I haven't grown any taller since then. The tailor said I could wear 5" or 6" heels, but I don't want to dwarf my fiance. So we're getting the length hemmed too, which is fairly complicated as they cut out material from the hip and re-sew it to keep the scalloped hemline intact. I did not know that was even possible. If it had been up to me I probably would have gotten some horrible dress from Forever 21 two weeks before the wedding. Gross. 

Cat Watch Day 3

He's alive! I heard some crying around 8 p.m. last night and found him outside. I brought the food bowl into my laundry room, and he followed. He didn't eat much though which makes me think someone else is feeding him? So he ate a little bit of food, sniffed around, knocked over an empty detergent bottle then panicked and ran back outside. He came back in after a few minutes and let me pet him a while. Then he knocked over a broom and panicked again. Cats are silly. I gave him the option to stay in the heated laundry room with the door cracked to the outside, but he left after about half an hour. I guess he is someone's kitty that just wants extra foods/ attention? I should feel relieved but I kind of feel bad about the whole thing though I don't know why.

Cat Watch Day 2

The good news is the cat food I left out is gone, so the kitty is alive. The bad news is everything in my yard is dead due to the freeze.

Cat food gone!

I'm still so impressed by the community response after posting about the cat. Three people from NextDoor.com left me voicemails about it. I feel awful that I can't find the poor guy now. (I've just now arbitrarily decided it's a guy.)

Possibilities:
A) Cat returned to neglectful owners who only take him inside when it's freezing.
B) Cat slept in someone's garage or attic.
C) Someone else like me took him in for the night.
D) A possum was a jerk and ate everything.

I hope it's B or C because I'm not cool with irresponsible pet owners (or possums). My grandmother, aunt, and sister have taken in many strays and semi-strays that neighbors neglected. (None is a crazy cat lady.)

In other backyard news, I discovered where the tangerines from the tangerine tree that borders the fence are going. A certain squirrel has been taking bites out of tangerines then discarding them half-eaten into my garden. I picked up 12 like this.

These tangerines are tasty. If I had enough of them I'd make a pie or marmalade.

Lost kitty

Our tiny yellow house is in a neighborhood wrought with stray cats. We took one to a shelter when we first moved in, and then on January 1 another kitty appeared, a long gray-haired skinny guy with jade eyes.

This is one good-looking cat. My friend Timothy says it is probably a Russian Blue. Sounds fancy.

It cried on our back porch for days, and when we repainted some chairs in the driveway it rubbed its butt all over the wet paint, creating excellent texture. Thanks, cat. It also enjoyed knocking over empty beer bottles then running under the house like it had nothing to do with it.

I mean we aren't cat people, but we're not let-a-cat-die-in-the-cold people either. So I posted message up on NextDoor.com and Facebook asking if anyone was interested in fostering or adopting. And four people were interested! Four! But now the cat is gone— nowhere to be found at all. I feel terrible. I had pimped it everywhere and had even bought it food. What if it is dead! Or worse, what if it belonged to someone and this whole time I was trying to cat-knap someone else's pet? Well I'll leave the garage door open with cat food and a heat lamp in case the cat and/or a lonely raccoon/possum needs shelter.

Decor

I talked to a designer at a friend's New Year's Eve party, and she got me really excited about home decor. It didn't hurt that the hostess's apartment is meticulously outfitted with mid century modern furniture and framed art prints. She even has a collection of wine bottle stoppers and an indoor succulent garden. (The second party at Raj's place was equally impressive, and I love every single thing in his kitchen.)

So here are a few little things to add sparkle to my 2014. Some of these items I went ahead and added to my Amazon registry, though I'm not sure if it's acceptable to add geodes and art to a wedding registry? It probably isn't.

1. Wild Mannered 60 x 58 faux fox fur throw

Platinum Frost Fox

Amber Fox 

So elegant. Supposedly these rival Donna Salyer's Fabulous Furs, which are three times the cost.

Which color fur do you like best? I think Platinum Frost Fox or Amber Fox. Anything but that nasty raccoon Who wants raccoon anything. Gross. Cute animal, gross pelt.


2. Set of four celestial enamel coasters, Anthropologie

I'm thinking navy or peach. Our living room chairs are that light blue, so it should complement that. Or at least not clash. 

3. Cast Metal Jewelry Tree, West Elm

I am in love with this thing, just as an art piece. But more importantly my jewelry is currently tangled on the towel hook in the bathroom. Not a good storage system.

4. Houston Skyline art print 18"x24" Etsy

I'm always so bad about getting prints framed and end up accidentally creasing the print in transit or spilling something on it. Ugh.

5. Monogram W doorknocker, Anthropologie


Yes, I'm taking his last name. The feminist in me dislikes giving up Patterson a little bit. But it will still be there, just as my middle name. I was never that keen on my middle name anyway.

6. Houston, Texas 12"x12 print, CityPrints

7. Polished Agate Geode Halves Bookends, Crystal Allies Gallery

Everything is tacky

In wedding forums people will ask if one thing or another is tacky. And— this is bad of me— but I almost always think to myself YES that is HORRIBLE. Sure it's your special day, but you still need to respect your family and friends and ensure that they're comfortable. For instance, one bride-to-be asked if she could charge her guests admission?! Whaaa? As far as I'm concerned even a cash bar for beer and wine is tacky. Cussing in your vows? Unacceptable. (You cannot tell your husband that he's "the shit" in a church in front of a minister and your extended family. You just can't.) Asking your guests to bring you $20 bills in lieu of gifts is the worst. Telling strangers how much you've spent is atrocious. And I'm sorry but you should just skip flowers altogether if you're seriously considering a bridal bouquet of fake roses from Michael's. Although flowers made out of sheet music or origami flowers/ paper flowers are sort of neat though, like these:

Paper peonies 

Never actually tell people you think they're being tacky because the rudest thing of all is informing someone of how classless they are. What I like to do is just judge silently then send my friend Allison series of detailed texts.

Full disclosure: I've made a few choices wedding traditionalist would deem tacky.
1. Sapphire engagement ring
2. Save-the-dates sent with Paperless Post
3. Invitations addressed by a computer, not a calligrapher
4. Ceremony in a hotel rather than church
5. I'm not registering for China. (I won't use it for another 20 yeas, and if I need some China before then maybe my mom or grandmother will let me borrow.)
6. I'm going to see the groom before the wedding so that we can get some of our photos out of the way.
7. We have a dj, not a band.

Flowers

I almost cried when the florist told me peonies won't be in season in early March. Behold their beauty:

bridal bouquet of peonies

I love whites with hints of blush and cream. But no peonies for me.  Hydrangeas will have to do.

This is close to what my table centerpieces will look like, I think:

hydrangeas in clear trumpet vases

Or maybe they'll look completely different? My florist is taking me to the wholesale market a couple of weeks before the wedding to pick out what's prettiest of the season. 

Knives

Forget China and and crystal. I'm all about knives. Really, really nice knives. 

Shun Premier Santoku knife and pairing knife

Shun Premier 8" chef knife

Shun Premier knives are reminiscent to the hand-forged knives of ancient Japan. Every blade features a VG-10 steel core, clad with 32-layers of Damascus stainless and special hammered tsuchime finish. The tsuchime finish reduces the drag when cutting to assure a clean easy cut and adds beauty to this collection. The hammered blade is enhanced with a contoured walnut-stained Pakkawood handle. Made in Japan.

Look at the pretty hammered blades! And those handles. I've never had anything this nice. I may switch out the Santoku for a bread knife, as I've read you really only need a paring knife, chef knife, and bread knife. But the paring + Santoku set is such a steal. Now I need to learn to cook a little better. I cook often. Just not well.

Early Christmas with the relatives

Yesterday we celebrated Christmas with the relatives on my dad's side. Meet my future flower girls:

She got five grown men to join her in a rendition of "The Itsy Bitsy Spider."

Magic Christmas princess 

All toddlers are adorable, but these two especially so. Sadly my third niece, Tabs, is missing. I'll see her Christmas morning though.

Another thing that makes our Christmas amazing: we do a Secret Santa exchange instead of buying gifts for everyone. Each relative draws a name to buy a present for, and then that person says explicitly what they would like, preferably with an Amazon wish list. It's the best. I got Beech Tree sheets that I'd added to my wedding registry as soon as I got engaged. These are the best sheets I've ever had. They're super soft and half the price of luxury sheets from Nordstrom. Highly recommend.

In other news Hunter and I are sick with head colds. His is worse than mine.

Invitation, rehearsal dinner dress, rings

My invitations came today: letterpress on card stock with a slate gray backing.

(I removed my parents' names from the top for privacy. Maybe I should've taken mine off too but meh.)

And I bought my rehearsal dinner dress:

La Jola dress from BHLDN

I'd actually uploaded this dress to my Pinterest three months ago, then my mom and I picked out the same one when we were out shopping without realizing we'd seen it before.

This is not en vogue, but I've decided on plain white gold wedding bands. I originally wanted to weld a sparkly band to my engagement ring, but I want a wedding ring I can wear everywhere all the time. I take off my engagement ring whenever I wash my hands, work out, put on lotion, etc. (Colored gems show dirt and look cloudy faster than clear ones.) This is my engagement ring:

1.8 carat Kashmir sapphire / designed & hand set in Jaipur, India

All I want is luggage that looks like it's from a Wes Anderson film.

On my wish list: luggage that belongs in a Wes Anderson film.

Custom-made Marc Jacobs for Louis Vuitton luggage for The Darjeeling Limited

The Entrepreneur collection from Steamline Luggage 

The Monarch collection from Steamline Luggage 

Is this too much to ask for a wedding gift? Apparently so. Only a handful of designers even offer vintage-inspired luggage to begin with. And the carry-ons start at $500. A bit much for a registry item. (I'm impractical, not insane.)

I guess some of the mid-priced stuff from London Fog is cute? 

I remember as a little kid I always thought nice luggage was the worst prize on game shows like The Price Is Right, up there with winning a vacuum. I wondered why anyone would ever get excited about stupid suitcases. And now I'm one of those people who gets excited about stupid suitcases. 

Vanity sizing

I sneaked a peek at my measurements at the bridal store out of curiosity. The sales lady had subtracted an inch or more from every measurement. (I remeasured myself at home to make sure: yep, at least an inch had been knocked off of my bust, waist, and hips.) Why would you do that. Is this some tailoring practice I'm unaware of? Below is the size chart for my dress:

But this chart is completely inaccurate. The waist of their size 6 is actually about 28 inches, not 25.5. I guess it's like how guys' size 32 waist pants are often more like 33 or 34 inches. I can understand making a size 6 larger to accommodate Americans' expanding waistlines, but shouldn't the measurements listed in the size chart be adjusted to reflect this?

Here is an interesting excerpt from a term paper on vanity sizing. Essentially women's clothing used to be done by age and start at size 14, as in fit for a 14-year-old. Yes, the smallest size was a 14. The bust of a size 14 was 32 inches. Now a size 00 has a bust of 32 inches. This timeline pinpoints when sizes smaller than a 14 were introduced to cope with vanity sizing:

Dress is here

Tried on The Dress today. Oh dear god. DEAR GOD.

Let me walk you through the wedding dress process. First you try on samples in size 12 because that's all they have in the store in order to torture you. All of them will look like you are standing in glittery white sleeping bags. Some lady will then hook jumper cable clamp things to your back to gather up the extra fabric. You will pick the least sleeping bag-like of the dresses. Six months later it will arrive, and you will get to see if the size arbitrarily selected fits. (You're a street size 2? Great, we've ordered you a size 8.) Then you'll pay hundreds of dollars to have it altered.

Mine mostly fit; the waist has to be taken in a little and the hips have to be taken a lot because I have what I've decided to call an "athletic" build with broad shoulders and narrow hips. Also this dress is long. Very long. And it can't be hemmed because of a special lace trim plus I ordered it that length on purpose to go with heels, which may have been dumb. Now I see that these heels will need to be about 5" high, meaning I'll stand taller than my fiance. How cute. Look at us breaking heteronormative standards.

The sales lady was sweet and tried adding a petticoat to the bottom part of the dress to poof it out and take some of the length off. Looked like I was hiding a class of toddlers around my legs. Is there a movie where children emerge from the petticoats of a dress? Maybe Wizard of Oz when Dorothy meets the little constituents of the Lollipop King?

I don't know if they'd be constituents. I highly doubt anyone is democratically elected in Oz. That place's government seems unstable at best. Political assassinations by tornado & "water" (it was acid). And that wizard charlatan blowing Emerald City's budget on painted horses. Where was the press to report on that? Probably strung out on poppies, that's where. Horrible.

So imagine this dress plus a foot more of poof in either direction at the feet.

 Oh yeah, that's my dress. It's simple. My rules were no sequins, no rhinestones, no asymmetry, must have room for flask(s). It comes with these neat detachable sleeves. 

but I can't wear the sleeve-let thing because of my aforementioned athletic build. 

My options are: 

1. Wear 5" heels (maybe thick heels or wedges?) and definitely be taller than fiance and possibly fall while dancing.

2. Wear 4" heels and hope that pressing the dress makes it a little shorter. And if it doesn't, just let it drag the floor some.

3. Forget about shoes until the last minute, buy both 5" and 4" heels, have a panic attack, go barefoot, trip, ruin photos/entire life.

Leaning toward option 3. 

K I think I need to go volunteer at a soup kitchen to make up for how self-involved I've become. 

Hunter is offshore again as of yesterday afternoon. I didn't do a very good job making plans for myself. So of course I'm sort of down. Today I rewatched three Errol Morris documentaries and went to the gym. How come I never see anyone I know there when it's so close to Montrose and Midtown? Don't get me wrong, that's the best part about going to the gym. I've run into, like, two maybe three people I know in two years. I love it. My safe space.

 I don't like who I am without him. I'm brooding and quiet and a little mean. I think my hair even gets darker.

 Whenever Hunter says something bad about a stranger, even if it's deserved (which it always is), he follows it up with "I know you probably hate hearing this type of stuff," and I grin with my palms pressed together, fingers tapping, "No, no, please go on." It's so great to hear the good be bad if even just for a sentence or two.

Tuesday I try on The Dress again. You're supposed to schedule your alterations like 12 weeks out, which is pretty stupid considering my weight can change 10 lbs in that time. I should be giddy. But the whole dress part is a panic attack. Measuring tapes, ten different pairs of heels, veil styles, specialty bras. And I haven't added much of anything to my registry because I'm afraid I'll pick the wrong things, hate them, forget to return them, then pretend to use them for years to come. I guess I should get to the galleria and choose some stuff but the mall is not my safe space.

Which gods?

Hunter and I are not religious people. But my dad says we have to have god at our ceremony. But, like, which god? Buddha, Allah, Yahweh, Kali goddess of destruction? Do the each get +1s?