Martha Stewart: total babe.

I've always respected Martha Stewart, albeit I haven't mastered or even attempted any of her decor projects.

Martha Stewart by Karsten Moran for the New York Times 

If you're a self-made, crazy-ambitious man in your 60s, you're considered a sexy genius. But if you're a woman, unfortunately you're often considered a ruthless bitch. Sometimes "crazy" is thrown in for good measure. This applies to Anna Wintour, Vogue editor and the subject of the book & film The Devil Wears Prada. 

She's all like "I'm not a bitch, I'm just good at my job. Sorry I'm not sorry."

Today the NY Times informed me that Martha Stewart's beauty regimen is Martha Stewart rigid, meaning bordering on insane. This confused me some as I'd considered her more of a soccer-mom-becomes-grandmother figure rather than a lover of all things beauty product. 

Then I learned that she used to be a foxy model?! For Channel, no less. Damn. 

Martha, I applaud you. I've always known you as enterprising and clever, but now I'm adding fashion icon to the list. I'm still not buying your knife sets at Macy's though. 

First wedding present

The first gift arrived.

Intanto Vase (medium) by Mario Trimarchi for Alessi

I know it's not about presents, but at the same time it's important to make a fuss over the generous gifts you do receive and of course mail timely thank-you cards.

My designer friend came over last night and gave me some decor ideas and even started a Pinterest board for me. I haven't seen her apartment yet but I'm pretty certain I want everything in it. We talked mid century modern desks, faux fur throws, and coffee tables. I still have this sad slate coffee table from Target that I bought when I was 19. She suggested an ottoman as a coffee table. We could keep drinks on it with a nice tray but use it for seating with company if needed. Can ottomans have storage? Listen how grown-up I'm pretending to be! Maybe I will hound craigslist before I lunch with my dad this afternoon. Craigslist probably isn't very grown-up. Classes start Monday so today is the last day to goof around.

Alterations

I tried on the dress again today, this time for alterations. You get to go to a special room upstairs where a professional tailor inspects just how much the dress hangs off of you. 

My advice to anyone ordering a dress for any occasion: if you think you're a size 2 or 8 or 12, etc., order that size. My dress is at least a full size too big everywhere because I went with what the sales person told me to rather than what I thought would fit. Alterations are not cheap on an all-lace gown. Luckily my parents are super generous and paying for it. If I were footing the bill myself I probably would have died.

Oh remember me writing about how long it was? Unfortunately I haven't grown any taller since then. The tailor said I could wear 5" or 6" heels, but I don't want to dwarf my fiance. So we're getting the length hemmed too, which is fairly complicated as they cut out material from the hip and re-sew it to keep the scalloped hemline intact. I did not know that was even possible. If it had been up to me I probably would have gotten some horrible dress from Forever 21 two weeks before the wedding. Gross. 

Cat Watch Day 3

He's alive! I heard some crying around 8 p.m. last night and found him outside. I brought the food bowl into my laundry room, and he followed. He didn't eat much though which makes me think someone else is feeding him? So he ate a little bit of food, sniffed around, knocked over an empty detergent bottle then panicked and ran back outside. He came back in after a few minutes and let me pet him a while. Then he knocked over a broom and panicked again. Cats are silly. I gave him the option to stay in the heated laundry room with the door cracked to the outside, but he left after about half an hour. I guess he is someone's kitty that just wants extra foods/ attention? I should feel relieved but I kind of feel bad about the whole thing though I don't know why.

Cat Watch Day 2

The good news is the cat food I left out is gone, so the kitty is alive. The bad news is everything in my yard is dead due to the freeze.

Cat food gone!

I'm still so impressed by the community response after posting about the cat. Three people from NextDoor.com left me voicemails about it. I feel awful that I can't find the poor guy now. (I've just now arbitrarily decided it's a guy.)

Possibilities:
A) Cat returned to neglectful owners who only take him inside when it's freezing.
B) Cat slept in someone's garage or attic.
C) Someone else like me took him in for the night.
D) A possum was a jerk and ate everything.

I hope it's B or C because I'm not cool with irresponsible pet owners (or possums). My grandmother, aunt, and sister have taken in many strays and semi-strays that neighbors neglected. (None is a crazy cat lady.)

In other backyard news, I discovered where the tangerines from the tangerine tree that borders the fence are going. A certain squirrel has been taking bites out of tangerines then discarding them half-eaten into my garden. I picked up 12 like this.

These tangerines are tasty. If I had enough of them I'd make a pie or marmalade.

Lost kitty

Our tiny yellow house is in a neighborhood wrought with stray cats. We took one to a shelter when we first moved in, and then on January 1 another kitty appeared, a long gray-haired skinny guy with jade eyes.

This is one good-looking cat. My friend Timothy says it is probably a Russian Blue. Sounds fancy.

It cried on our back porch for days, and when we repainted some chairs in the driveway it rubbed its butt all over the wet paint, creating excellent texture. Thanks, cat. It also enjoyed knocking over empty beer bottles then running under the house like it had nothing to do with it.

I mean we aren't cat people, but we're not let-a-cat-die-in-the-cold people either. So I posted message up on NextDoor.com and Facebook asking if anyone was interested in fostering or adopting. And four people were interested! Four! But now the cat is gone— nowhere to be found at all. I feel terrible. I had pimped it everywhere and had even bought it food. What if it is dead! Or worse, what if it belonged to someone and this whole time I was trying to cat-knap someone else's pet? Well I'll leave the garage door open with cat food and a heat lamp in case the cat and/or a lonely raccoon/possum needs shelter.

Decor

I talked to a designer at a friend's New Year's Eve party, and she got me really excited about home decor. It didn't hurt that the hostess's apartment is meticulously outfitted with mid century modern furniture and framed art prints. She even has a collection of wine bottle stoppers and an indoor succulent garden. (The second party at Raj's place was equally impressive, and I love every single thing in his kitchen.)

So here are a few little things to add sparkle to my 2014. Some of these items I went ahead and added to my Amazon registry, though I'm not sure if it's acceptable to add geodes and art to a wedding registry? It probably isn't.

1. Wild Mannered 60 x 58 faux fox fur throw

Platinum Frost Fox

Amber Fox 

So elegant. Supposedly these rival Donna Salyer's Fabulous Furs, which are three times the cost.

Which color fur do you like best? I think Platinum Frost Fox or Amber Fox. Anything but that nasty raccoon Who wants raccoon anything. Gross. Cute animal, gross pelt.


2. Set of four celestial enamel coasters, Anthropologie

I'm thinking navy or peach. Our living room chairs are that light blue, so it should complement that. Or at least not clash. 

3. Cast Metal Jewelry Tree, West Elm

I am in love with this thing, just as an art piece. But more importantly my jewelry is currently tangled on the towel hook in the bathroom. Not a good storage system.

4. Houston Skyline art print 18"x24" Etsy

I'm always so bad about getting prints framed and end up accidentally creasing the print in transit or spilling something on it. Ugh.

5. Monogram W doorknocker, Anthropologie


Yes, I'm taking his last name. The feminist in me dislikes giving up Patterson a little bit. But it will still be there, just as my middle name. I was never that keen on my middle name anyway.

6. Houston, Texas 12"x12 print, CityPrints

7. Polished Agate Geode Halves Bookends, Crystal Allies Gallery

Everything is tacky

In wedding forums people will ask if one thing or another is tacky. And— this is bad of me— but I almost always think to myself YES that is HORRIBLE. Sure it's your special day, but you still need to respect your family and friends and ensure that they're comfortable. For instance, one bride-to-be asked if she could charge her guests admission?! Whaaa? As far as I'm concerned even a cash bar for beer and wine is tacky. Cussing in your vows? Unacceptable. (You cannot tell your husband that he's "the shit" in a church in front of a minister and your extended family. You just can't.) Asking your guests to bring you $20 bills in lieu of gifts is the worst. Telling strangers how much you've spent is atrocious. And I'm sorry but you should just skip flowers altogether if you're seriously considering a bridal bouquet of fake roses from Michael's. Although flowers made out of sheet music or origami flowers/ paper flowers are sort of neat though, like these:

Paper peonies 

Never actually tell people you think they're being tacky because the rudest thing of all is informing someone of how classless they are. What I like to do is just judge silently then send my friend Allison series of detailed texts.

Full disclosure: I've made a few choices wedding traditionalist would deem tacky.
1. Sapphire engagement ring
2. Save-the-dates sent with Paperless Post
3. Invitations addressed by a computer, not a calligrapher
4. Ceremony in a hotel rather than church
5. I'm not registering for China. (I won't use it for another 20 yeas, and if I need some China before then maybe my mom or grandmother will let me borrow.)
6. I'm going to see the groom before the wedding so that we can get some of our photos out of the way.
7. We have a dj, not a band.